2009 Music Awards

I'd make a lousy movie reviewer, I don't go to see that many movies in the theater. I'd make a lousy book reviewer these days, too; when the year started I already had far too many books stacked up waiting for me to get to and I end the year the same way. Always so many books, so little time. Music, though, is another story; my earbud headphones spend so much time in my ears, they could be considered a vestigial appendage. 2009 started out as very disappointing year, musically, but got better towards the end (completely the opposite of how things went politically this year). So without further ado, I present the 2009 Michael Music Awards:

The Lazarus Award: This award goes to a dead band that miraculously came back to life this year. There's really no competition for this honor in 2009: Blink-182 is back! Well, sort of. I mean, they went on tour together for the first time since 2004, but it won't really hit me until I'm holding their (soon-to-be released?) CD in my hands...

The Best New Talent Award (based on first chart-topping single): I was going to give this to Owl City for the ubiquitous "Fireflies," but decided against it. Adam Young disingenuously claimed that he'd never listened to "The Postal Service" until after his own debut album came out (which he eventually had to retract because "Ocean Eyes" is obviously the end-result of years of having "Give Up" on constant replay). I don't mind artists ripping other artists off, it's been done for centuries (think of all those "variations on a theme" in classical music). But I do mind when an artist won't even admit what other artists truly influenced him. Which means, by default, 2009's Best New Talent Award goes to Phoenix for "1901." Congrats!


The H1N1 Single Award: "Shawty's like a melody in my head that I can't keep out, got me singin' like na na na na every day, it's like my iPod's stuck on replay..." If you didn't have the lyrics to "Replay" by Iyaz stuck in your head this year, you have an exceptionally strong musical immune system. It doesn't hurt that the song makes me think of a certain someone... :D

The Kudzu Award: We all hate kudzu, it's obnoxious, but at least in the South, if you stand still long enough, it'll grow on you. Exploding onto the scene this year, Lady Gaga was 2009's musical equivalent of kudzu. On the one hand, Lady Gaga is responsible for atrocities like "LoveGame," "Poker Face," and "Paparazzi." On the other hand, she also blessed the world with "Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)," "Just Dance," and "Bad Romance." This confuses me immensely. In 2010, I look forward to continuing to love/despise Lady Babynoises.

Funeral for a Friend Award: Bands break up all the time. But Armor for Sleep disbanding in October, that one hurts. At least they left us 3 epic CD's worth of awesomeness.

"Waste all your time with me, I know I'm a mess right now. Don't give up, believe. I'd wait it out for you."

The "What does 'hiatus' mean?" award: One of my all-time favorite bands, The Hush Sound, announced this spring that they were going on "hiatus." So is this like Weezer in the late 90s or like Something Corporate since 2004? I'm hoping it's the former. In any case, Greta Morgan's new band, Gold Hotel, is quickly becoming a favorite.

Best "New-to-Me" band: This award is for the best band I "discovered" in 2009, even if they've been around for years and didn't release an album this year. While there are a lot of "honorable mentions" (Manic Street Preachers, Rasputina, Some by Sea, Jason Mraz [who I'd listened to for years without realizing how awesome he is], Kristin Andreassen, etc), ultimately it's no contest: Arcade Fire is amazing beyond words! I'd been hearing about this Canadian band for years, but somehow had never gotten around to listening to them until the trailer for "Where the Wild Things Are" was released in February. "Wake Up" was the soundtrack to the trailer, and led me to check out the rest of Arcade Fire's songs. They played some free concerts for Obama rallies last year, so I knew they were cool, I just had no idea how cool! My personal favorite is "Rebellion (Lies)," also off their 2004 album "Funeral." If you like good music, as opposed to crappy music, you will adore Arcade Fire. Period.

"Sleeping is giving in, no matter what the time is. Sleeping is giving in, so lift those heavy eyelids. People say that you'll die faster than without water. But we know it's just a lie, scare your son, scare your daughter."


And now, the obligatory Five Best Albums of the Year:

5. "Nothing Personal" by All Time Low: Their 2006 major-label debut EP "Put Up or Shut Up" was brimming with more raw energy and effort than most full-length CDs and their 2007 follow-up "So Wrong, It's Right" was disappointingly mediocre. However, with this year's "Nothing Personal," All Time Low has firmly established itself as king of the overcrowded field of pop-punk bands. The weakest tracks are still tolerable, and the strongest ("Weightless," "Lost in Stereo," "Walls," "Too Much," "Keep the Change, You Filthy Animal") are pure ear candy. Anyone who's written off this genre should give All Time Low a listen, you'll almost certainly be hearing a lot more of them in the future. My only complaint is that the album has too much synth, a little less next time, please.

"Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year. And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass and I go nowhere. And this is my reaction, to everything I fear, cause I've been going crazy, I don't want to waste another minute here!"


4. "Incredibad" by The Lonely Island: I almost hate to say anything about "Incredibad," for fear of ruining the hilarity. All I'll say is that it's a collection of songs from recent SNL shorts, ranging from "Lazy Sunday" to "I'm On a Boat." If you've not seen these before, get thee to Hulu or YouTube posthaste! It's best to see the visual first. Oh, and drinking while listening to the last track, wherein the origins of "Incredibad" are explained, is definitely not recommended. Unless your lungs are thirsty or you like shooting Santana DVX out of your nose. Just FYI.

"I'm ridin' on a dolphin, doin' flips and shit. The dolphin's splashin', gettin' ever'body all wet. But this ain't Sea World, this as real as it gets!"


3. "The Open Door EP" by Death Cab for Cutie: Ok, maybe technically an EP doesn't count as a full CD, but Death Cab has filled this EP with enough awesomeness to almost warrant my crowning it best album of the year (it has been nominated for the "Best Alternative Music Album" Grammy). "Open Door" is comprised of 4 tracks cut from 2008's "Narrow Stairs", plus an acoustic version of "Talking Bird." The opening track "Little Bribes" is an uncharacteristically-jaunty tune about a trip to Vegas ("You pretend every slot machine is a robot amputee waving hello. The people stare into their eyes and they feed them little bribes and then they go"). It's followed by "A Diamond and a Tether," a lament about fear of commitment, and "My Mirror Speaks," perhaps DCfC's strongest percussion beat since "Marching Bands of Manhattan." The final original song on the album, "I Was Once a Loyal Lover," is a rousing conclusion to this EP ("And you can't even begin to know, how many times I've told myself 'I told you so.' And you can't even begin to believe, there's so many bridges engulfed in flames behind me.") It'll do nicely until their next full-length.

"I always fall in love with an open door, with the horizon on an endless sea, as I look around the ones who were standing right in front of me."


2. "Outer South" by Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band: 2008 saw the release of the self-titled "solo project" CD by Bright Eyes singer/songwriter/folk mastermind Conor Oberst. 2009 saw the release of the band's second album, "Outer South," this time giving more credit and making more use of his new backup band. While "Conor Oberst" was a tough one to top, on several tracks Conor and Co. do just that. From the opening track "Slowly (Oh, So Slowly)" ("Dementia, you better treat me good!"), to "Big Black Nothing" ("A big black nothing is not the end"), to the biting populist sarcasm on "Roosevelt Room" ("There's no blankets for the winter, there's no oil in the lamp. And I'd like to write my congressman, but I can't afford the stamp"), this album is incredible. In particular, Conor's version of "Eagle on a Pole" on last year's CD was underwhelming, but Jason Boesel's version on "Outer South" does the concept justice. While I'm disappointed that the Mystic Valley Band has folded, it is about time for Conor to get back to that other band.

"Never trust a truly wayward wandering soul. Never trust a wanted woman who can't say no. And you never trust an eagle on a pole."


1. "I and Love and You" by The Avett Brothers: It's hard to believe it was only a couple years ago that Scott Avett would stop by the store in Harrisburg and I would totally geek out, asking people, "Don't you know who that was? The Avett Brothers doesn't ring a bell?" It almost never did. In 2009, this Cabarrus County-based band hit the big time, with appearances on Letterman, concerts with Wilco and the Dave Matthews Band, a cover article in Blurt magazine, and of course, their major label debut, "I and Love and You." Any time a band finally gets the national recognition it deserves, longtime fans protest that the band has sold out. "I and Love and You" might not be quite as good all around as "Four Thieves Gone," "The Gleam," or "Emotionalism," but the individual tracks on their new CD can compete with any of their old material. The irresistible enthusiasm of "Kick Drum Heart;" the rapping on "Slight Figure of Speech;" the epic quality of the ballad "Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise;" and "January Wedding," a sweet Southern banjo-laden love song only The Avett Brothers could pull off -- all of these songs are more than the equal of classics like "Colorshow," "St. Joseph's," "Die Die Die," and "Paranoia in B-Flat Major." You owe it to yourself to listen to the Best Album of the Year.

"Load the car and write the note. Grab your bag and grab your coat. Tell the ones that need to know: We are headed North. One foot in and one foot back. But it don't pay to live like that. So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks, for never to return...."



And the Five Most Disappointing Albums of 2009:

5. "Daisy" by Brand New: I really wanted to love this album. 2006's "The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me" absolutely blew my mind. If I had a list of favorite CDs of the decade (which I don't, cause the decade ain't over for another year yet!), it would be in the top 5. But unlike every previous album, "Daisy" is not so much a quantum-leap forward as a shuffling step sideways. The most noticeable "innovation" on this album is that the lead singer Jesse Lacey sounds like the lead singer of Modest Mouse in several tracks (that's when his voice isn't drowned out entirely). It's not that it's a terrible album, it just doesn't come anywhere close to fulfilling my admittedly unreasonable expectations.

4. "Hot Mess" by Cobra Starship: It's getting old, Gabe. I know you aren't a one-trick pony, so why don't you prove it?

3. "Lonely Road" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus: 2006 was a great year for music, and The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus's debut CD "Don't You Fake It" was astoundingly good and still gets rotated through my car CD player at least once a year. I wish I could say the same about "Lonely Road," but here I don't think I can even excuse them by saying that I had unreasonable expectations. It's as if the band decided to jettison their sound in favor of becoming just another Puddle of Mudd/Nickelback clone band. I won't even dignify it (or either of the last two albums on this list) by giving an Amazon link, they don't deserve your money for this atrocity. DO. NOT. LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. "No Line On The Horizon" by U2: I pre-ordered this one right after Christmas last year, several months before it was released. I did this, because I'm crazy. U2 in my book is one of the greatest bands in the history of music. Period. But ever since the late 80s, the band seems to have lost its way. I loved "Beautiful Day" and several other tracks from "All That You Can't Leave Behind," but I kept waiting for them to return at least partially to their hard rock/punk roots. When the first single "Vertigo" from 2004's "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" was released, it seemed like an answer to my prayers, an honest-to-God dance-hall rock song! I then purchased the album and... was disappointed, although again, there were a few good tracks.

I was wary of being "punked" that way again, but I wanted to believe in them. This was a mistake, for U2 has produced the worst album of any major artist in recent memory. It opens with a wailing, incoherent title track, and it's downhill from there. This train-wreck of a record should never have seen the light of day. The songs blend together into a complete blur; only "Magnificent," "I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight," and "Get On Your Boots" stick your mind afterwords, and even they are so weak they would never have even made the B-side of a U2 release back when they still had pride in their craft. The sonic pretensions are surpassed only by the idiocy of the lyrics "Hey, sexy boots. Get on your boots, yeah. You free me from the dark dream, candy floss ice cream." Someone needs to force the three of them to listen to one of their classic albums, like War, from the days before they got rich and complacent and see if that can inspire them to inspire us, to create music they can be justly proud of. And if it doesn't work, U2 should call it a quarter-century and disband.

1. "Brand New Eyes" by Paramore: This one was the most crushing disappointment. Paramore is high atop my list of all-time favorite bands. "All We Know is Falling" and "Riot" were such awesome CDs, I expected a similar sound and level of quality on "Brand New Eyes." Sadly, no. The first two tracks are decent, about on a par with the singles from "Riot." But after that, it's a steep, rapid descent into music suck. ::shakes head:: You can do so much better than this, I expect so much better from you guys.....



Honorable Mention (in no particular order):

-"Post Electric Blues" by Idlewild ("Readers and Writers" has an INCREDIBLE beat, and the album as a whole holds up pretty well to their earlier work.)
-"The Dear Jack EP" by Jack's Mannequin (With Andrew McMahon, what's not to love?)
-"Who Are You Now?" by This Providence (As a longtime fan, this album took a multiple listens to truly appreciate)
-Anjulie (pop-R&B for people who like neither)
-Cage the Elephant (Sounds like the White Stripes mugging Bob Dylan... which, oddly, is a compliment)
-ChartJackers (The British YouTube sensation; too bad they were a one-off)
-Monsters of Folk (I would have put this one in the top 5, but I didn't think it'd be fair to include 2 albums featuring Conor Oberst)
-Mallary Hope (I don't usually go for country much these days, but her EP "Love Lives On" is definitely worth a listen, even if you don't like country)
-Green Day (Channeling classic rock greats, "21st Century Breakdown" is a step or two below 2004's "American Idiot," but that's a nearly impossible album to top, so I don't really fault them. Still worth a listen if you haven't heard it yet.)
-Gold Hotel (Greta Morgan's new band)
-Weezer ("Raditude." The name says it all.)
-The Decembrists ("The Hazards of Love" is haunting and, honestly, more than a little disturbing. Per usual for them)
-Kings of Leon ("Only by the Night" was released in 2008, and so is sadly not eligible, though singles from it have completely pwned the airwaves this year)
-Moby (Remember him? His album "Wait for Me" is worth your time)
-Relient K ("Forget and Not Slow Down" is high on my "CDs-to-buy-next" list)

Albums I'm looking forward to in 2010:

Blink-182
Jimmy Eat World
KT Tunstall (please?)
I'm sure many others....

So, tell me, who did I forget? Who should have been on here but wasn't? Who was, but definitely didn't deserve it?